5 ways to connect to our children

5 ways to connect to our children: and why it’s important

Sometimes the daily responsibilities of caring for our children, from feeding them to keeping them in clean clothes, keeps us so busy that we fail to take the time to get to know them. Then one day, we blink and realize our children are growing up; we wonder where the precious time has gone. Yet we long to still feel connected to our “babies”. It’s important to take the time to connect with them on a regular basis, for their sake as well as ours. Studies have shown over and over the importance of this connection. From emotional health to their general well being, and the level of their success can all be influenced by us as parents taking that crucial time. However, as our children grow getting to know them becomes more complex than just taking them to the park or out for ice cream. You have to work on it as with any adult relationship. Five great places to start are………

1. How does your child see love?

Every human being uses the same basic ways to communicate love, but we tend to have a preference for the mode of communication in which we feel most fluent. According to the author Gary Chapman’s theory, there are five basic ways we communicate our love.

1. Words of affirmation–using our words to make others feel special and appreciated. “You make my day when you smile” vs. “you sure look stupid standing there grinning all the time.”

2. Gifts–giving someone a small item as a reminder that you care.

3. Acts of Service–doing something that you know they would like and would otherwise be doing themselves. This one is easier with adults then with children because you already do some much for them. Though helping with cleaning their room or doing their animal chores are acts of service that I find work well with younger children.

4. Quality time–give them your undivided attention without being distracted by a TV or phone. Listen to them, work on a project or activity they enjoy, or just sit and talk.

5. Physical touch–Culturally sensitive examples are abundant: cuddling while reading aloud, rubbing their back or feet, a random hug, a pat of encouragement on the back, or a friendly shoulder squeeze.

You should be able to observe your child to discover their most prominent love language. A good way is to watch how they interact with others. Children often give love in the same way they receive it.

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages explains how this works and how to use this information to better communicate with those around us. If you have never read his book, I highly recommend it.

2. Food likes and dislikes

We all tend to have at least one picky eater without rhyme or reason, but sometimes there is more to it. Take the time to talk with your child about what foods they like or dislike. There might be a common thread like a texture issue or a spice, herb or flavor which they dislike. Also look at what foods they like. Is there a common thread like tomato products or a spice like cinnamon? If so, this might better help you in finding recipes that they are more willing to try. Thus, both expanding their palate and keeping your sanity.

3. Fears and struggles

Everyone including children have fears and struggles. We all want to know that it’s OK to have areas of weakness and gain acceptance from a listening ear. Remember, no matter how trivial they seem to you, if they are concerning to your child, you should at least try and understand it from their perspective. You might even find a connection with your child in sharing some common childhood fears or concerns. Never be afraid to share with your child, in an age appropriate way, your own experiences in this area. Validating them and admitting your own struggles can go a long way in building a relationship as well as gaining their respect.

4. Goals and dreams

Even if larger-than-life, never smash your child’s dreams. As parents, we often have to suggest a more practical reality to them as they grow; just remember somebody has to be president, so why not them? Discuss and direct them with logic without smashing their goals and dreams.

5. Interest and hobbies

Make it a point to listen to your children when they want to share with you their projects and interests. I get it, you can only listen to descriptions of Lego creations and designs for so long. But if you listen to them now, they will remember and talk to you about the more important issues later. Topics change, but the crucial fact remains; they know if you cared to listen and share what was important to them.

It’s not a competition; it’s a journey

I hope this gives you some inspiration and ideas to have a deeper relationship with your child. Just remember, it’s never too late to work on a relationship and every relationship always has room for improvement. But most of all, it’s about your own personal journey with your child.

We hope you enjoy this article from the nest of the Homesteading Hen.